Imaginary Life…

We are not satisfied with the life we have in ourselves and our own being. We want to lead an imaginary life in the eyes of others, and so we try to make an impression. We strive constantly to embellish and preserve our imaginary being, and neglect our real one. And if we are calm, or generous, or loyal, we are anxious to have it known so that we can attach these virtues to our other existence; we prefer to detach them from our real self so as to unite them with the other. We would cheerfully be cowards if that would acquire us a reputation for bravery.

Blaise Pascal, Pensees

A Hidden Unity?

Nothing strikes me more when I read the controversies of past ages than the fact that both sides were usually assuming without question a good deal which we should now absolutely deny. They thought that they were as completely opposed as two sides could be, but in fact they were all the time secretly united—united with each other and against earlier and later ages—by a great mass of common assumptions.

- CS Lewis

When Hindsight Isn’t 20/20

How often have you heard it said, hindsight is 2020? You’ve probably said it yourself as you reflected on something in the past. Personal reflection is one of my strengths - I do it without even trying most times. But, reflection doesn’t guarantee growth.

Hindsight is only 20/20 when it produces change. Knowing what you should do differently, is not the same as doing differently. “Those who fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it”.

Hindsight is only 20/20 if you have identified the blind spots, which usually require another set of eyes. Sometimes, we need the perspective of others to help us see clearly. Let’s allow the past to be what it is meant to be: our teacher. We’re all in the classroom of life, together anyway.

A Short Word

For the past month or so, I have been at a loss for words. I find it a virtue to be slow to speak, because there is a time to speak and a time to refrain from speaking. Unfortunately, many people are unable to tell time.

I am thankful for the amount of people that see this site as a resource for growth in the areas of faith, wisdom and leadership. I will continue to serve you in this way. My writing will be a bit irregular, however I don’t foresee that as permanent. In the meantime, I encourage you to practice these words of wisdom

We have two ears and one mouth, therefore we should listen twice as much as we speak.”

~ Zeno

What I’ve Learned From The COVID-19 Pandemic

Here are 5 things I’ve learned during this pandemic season:

1. The world is far more connected than we think. 

   • The rate at which the virus spread across continents shows how small the world has become in terms of our connected-ness. This isn’t an internet thing either, people are more mobile - in every sense.

2. What impacts one, affects many.

   • We are affected by things usually before we are aware, or recognize the symptoms. Marcus Aurelius once wrote, “what’s bad for the bee is bad for the hive”. The opposite is also true.

3. Some things just can’t be contained.

   • We have to know when to shift our approach and strategy.

4. Action inspires confidence.

   • Inaction produces distrust. 

5. Death is real.

   • So is the fear of it.

Bonus: Whoever has all the answers, doesn’t understand the questions. We’re all trying to do the best we can.

What have you learned?

How To Know Your Disallusioned

Based on the previous post on disappointment, I’ve decided to follow the same pattern with disallusionment. As a part of my own inner work, and my work of helping others, I realize disallusionment is a common emotion. Just as common, is our tendency to mislabel it as frustration or sadness. Hence, this post.

The word allusion was originally used as a synonym for the word parable, which is defined as: a placing beside. When someone told a parable, they were placing a story or tale beside a real world scenario to draw out deeper meaning and significance. Jesus of Nazareth was a master at this, by the way. An allusion is similar to a parable due to its power to create a mental picture. When we allude to something, we are inviting someone to imagine and reconcile it’s reference with something else.

Therefore, to be disallusioned is to be without a meaningful defining reference point. It is the feeling we get when an imagined referent story is absent. This is a significant emotion because we are wired for narrative and story. As kids, we were told stories, which shaped how we viewed the world and our place in it. Now, imagine a world without stories. That’s disallusionment.

Coronavirus…What Now?

Every generation has one significant event that shapes and defines how people experience the world. Some examples are:

• The Exodus

• Bubonic Plague

• 9/11

• The Middle Passage

• American Revolution

• WW1 & WW2

• The Renaissance

The coronavirus pandemic (COVID-19) is most likely the once-in-a-generation event for this generation. There is so much we still don’t know about the virus and it’s lasting implication in our world. Everyone is asking questions. However, I believe whoever has all the answers, doesn’t truly understand the questions. Here’s what I mean…

I spoke to a business leader recently and asked him what could faith leaders learn from business leaders, as they strategize during this time. His answer was simply, “there is no strategy”. I was initially surprised, but then I settled into the rich philosophy of this perspective.

The point of his answer was that these are unprecedented times. Has the world experienced pandemics before? Yes - there have been pandemics and plagues historically. We’ve read about them. But, we are living in this one and we don’t fully know how this will end. There is much outside of our control, and many are realizing that now. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus puts it this way:

The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.

What does this mean for you as you observe what’s happening in our world right now?

Listening To Life

Two of the most important exercises a person can do is identify their personal core values and live them out. I’ve discovered that trying to live out aspirational values may lead us down the path of inauthenticity. Why? Parker Palmer puts it this way:

Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.
Before you tell your life what truths and values
you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.

What are the values you find yourself instinctively living? That’s what real.

What Changes As You Grow

Everyone grows old. As we get older, we learn from our life experiences - at least we should. I heard something recently that deeply resonates with where I find myself in this stage of life, based on what I’ve learned:

When I was young, I wanted to be well known…now, I want to be known well.

The desire to be well known seems to be innate in people, which actually suggests a deeper human need. To be well known is about the value we think we have based on how many people are aware of our existence. To be known well is about the relational depth we have with others. Age doesn’t guarantee this perspective change, but when it does, you know it.

Is Your Heart Buried?

“ Today we have become desensitized to our pain. If we hurt, we go out and buy something, we eat a lot of something, we delve into the world of our smart phone, we binge on another season. Anything to busy our minds and hearts. Anything to numb the ache. Whatever addiction we can tap into. Most of it is socially acceptable, that’s the frightening thing. We don’t have to commit adultery, burn a building down, cuss someone out. There are much more subversive practices that bury our hearts.”

- Scott Lencke

What Is Wisdom?

Wisdom is a state of the total being, in which capacities for knowledge and for love, for survival and for death, for imagination, inspiration, intuition, for all the fabulous functioning of this human being who we are, come into a center with their forces, come into an experience of meaning that can voice itself as wise action.

- M.C. Richards

One Way To Grow Up

I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are still innocent and shy as magnolias. 

We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.

- Maya Angelou

What To Do With Disappointment

Everyone knows the feeling of disappointment. It’s one of the more unpleasant human emotions we experience. The interesting thing about our human emotions is this: they all call to one another. It seems they all play in the same sandbox. What I mean is, one emotion is usually related to another. But, I digress.

One important way to deal with disappointment is to understand what it is. The word disappointment is a compound word made up of dis and appointment. When we appoint someone, we are designating an area or specific place for them. The prefix dis means lack or away from - so, disappointment is the feeling we get when we realize someone or something is not where we’ve placed them. In other words, disappointment is essentially our response to emotional and relational misplacement. As you can see, this makes disappointment more about us than any other person or thing.

Disappointment forces us to re-evaluate where we’ve placed people in our emotional life, why they are there and what we expect from them. Its important to be moderate in our thoughts because disappointment can easily redirect and turn inward and we focus too much on our relational misplacement. I am learning that disappointment has less to do with unmet expectations, and more to do with how I feel about my own mis-judgement. This awareness is where the real work begins. Step into it!

Like Rome

Our western culture has a unique fascination with Ancient Rome. For all intents and purposes, Rome is viewed as the standard by which all other civilizations are measured. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself how often you’ve heard (or said) the following:

• ”Rome wasn’t built in a day”

• “All roads lead to Rome”

• ”When in Rome..”

I read a very interesting article this week about the concept of cultural decadence and this quote by W.H. Auden highlighted something insightful about our current culture:

What fascinates and terrifies us about the Roman Empire is not that it finally went smash…(what fascinates and terrifies us is) it managed to last for four centuries without creativity, warmth, or hope.

Imagine a world without love, possibility or beauty. Now, imagine that as the norm for generations. What will future generations say about us?

The Other…

How we perceive a person will determine our interaction with them. This is true in friendships, marriage, business and any other environment where humans must interact with each other. Martin Buber puts it this way:

That people can no longer carry on authentic dialogue with one another is not only the most acute symptom
of the pathology of our time, it is also that which
most urgently makes a demand of us. I believe,
despite all, that the peoples in this hour can enter into dialogue, into a genuine dialogue with one another.
In a genuine dialogue, each of the partners, even
when he stands in opposition to the other, heeds, affirms, and confirms his opponent as an existing other.”

This is about human dignity. This is about valuing our collective humanity. This is about the other.

What I’d Tell Myself

One of the cool things I like about Facebook is ‘On This Day’ (Memories). It’s feature that reminds you of an earlier post in the past. I find this to be a great way to grow in reflective wisdom. As I looked at an optimistic picture of myself coming into the year 2019, here’s a few things I would tell myself if I could:

• This year is not going to turn out the way you think. Embrace the ride.

• Identify your strengths and areas of growth. You’ll need to know what they are as you navigate change.

• Clarity is good, a clear conscience is better.

• You’ll be stretched and uncomfortable. It’s ok.

• Ask more questions, give less answers.

• Give more people room to share their wisdom with you.

• Identify your priorities and values. They’ll help your decision making process.

• People say never assume, but…assume there’s more than what you see and hear. Trust me, there is.

What would you tell your 2019 self?

When Questions Become Answers

…have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them…the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

- Rainer Rilke

…And It’s Ok.

This is the time of year when we plan, set goals and dream about the new year. It is also a time of reflection on the present year and think about all that we’ve experienced and accomplished. The best phrase that summarizes what we go through year after year is by Charles Dickens:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Every year will be the best of times and the worst of times. There will be highs and lows. There will be moments of laughter and there will be tears. Some will linger longer and have more impact on us, but this idea has proven to be true…and it’s ok. Things won’t always be bad, and things won’t always be great…and it’s ok. Life is made up of the best of times and the worst of times. This coming year will be great in some ways and bad in other ways…and it’s ok.

To embrace this truth is not an exercise of futility, pessimism, or negative thinking. It’s just real and the more we embrace this reality, the more we can get the most out of life’s moments…and it’s ok.

All the best in the new year and more,

Samuel

Don’t Be Better Than…Be You.

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. That may be great for the one being flattered, but it is limiting to the one imitating. Here’s what I mean: when we aspire to be like someone else, we are limiting our growth to that person. They now become a point of reference and measurement for our own potential. What if we were meant for more than that?

If my goal is to be better than _____, then that’s probably all I will ever be…better than _____. These goals (or inner vows) are often subconscious, but drive many of our decisions and life choices. Let’s not spend our lives trying to prove that we’re better than someone else. Let’s just be the best of ourselves.

What does that look like for you?

Top 10 Lessons of 2019

2019 has been an unexpected year of change and personal growth. Here are ten lessons I’ve learned:

1. When making decisions, give audience to the opinion of others, but always trust your gut.

2. It’s ok to pursue solitude. Solitude is not the same as isolation. Solitude is about recharging, isolation is about retreating.

3. Invest in your personal growth. There is always a return.

4. Focus on what’s within your control. Everything else is a distraction.

5. When pressed, people will default to self-interest. Don’t take it personal.

6. Spend time outdoors. The greatest lessons of life can be learned through nature.

7. Be open to the possibility that you could be wrong - chances are, you are.

8. Build bridges, don’t burn them.

9. “Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn” - John Maxwell

10. Take responsibility for your choices, not the choices of others.